Worst actors in Hollywood at this moment in Time.

This is a blog post dedicated to the worst actors in Hollywood. Here are the top 5.

5. Keanu Reeves

4. Keanu Reeves

3. Keanu Reeves

2. Keanu Reeves

1. Keanu Reeves

Keanu Reeves - Where do I start? This guy plays the same part in every movie - dull and boring. He was perfect for the "Matrix" movies because his character hardly had to say anything. And, sure, he was good in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" but bad acting helped make the role. Is it just me or was he the only one with an American accent in "Much Ado About Nothing?" Then there's his surfer-like accent in "Dracula" - dude, that's like, unheard of in Transylvania. Not to mention his monotone attempt to be philosophical in "The Replacements."

16th May 2011

I didn't revise today. I could leave it at that and actually get on with some revision, but that's not what blogging is about. In light of the earlier post, I decided to set up a blog dedicated to celebrities that I made fat which you can find here. Go check it out if you would like! I watched a film today, as I somehow manage to do everyday and it was called 'funny people'. It was about how George Simmons (Adam Sandler) was dying, quite ironic due to the fact there are rumors going around about his death, and how he hires an assistant to make things better. He then goes through a strange relationship with this guy, being thankful for him and then for no reason being angry at him. George is a movie star and starred in many a movie, one of which scared me quite a bit. It was where he was turned into a baby and below is an example of it. I can imagine Adam Sandler babies would all look like this and find it quite funny to imagine them all running round like this.

I couldn't imagine a world where are all born with faces that don't change and just stay the same all through life. I can imagine that old people would die of heart attacks and when you tickle the baby's chin they have stubble. That would be weird, man. I bought vegetarian sweets today, thinking they were normal. I mean no disrespect to vegetarians and all, but they tasted like shit. They didn't even taste like sweets. They were meant to taste of strawberry, and if you had read an earlier entry you would have seen the maths I did behind the taste of water. This is exactly the same. It tasted of nothing, plain old boring nothing. I don't think they could even be classed as sweets. 

They call them funny mix, but fuck knows why these are less funny than herpes or a joke told by Dane Cook. Fuck. Peace X

Celebrities if they were Fat

I've always wondered what celebrities would look like if they just ate food, non-stop for years, so I decided to look into it. Here are the top 5 that I can clearly see being fat.

5. Britney Spears

I'm sure as she gets older and her metabolism slows down, she will look like this. You heard it here first.

4. Jerry Springer

I think his show would be great if he was the size of the participants.

3. Justin Bieber

 With all the free stuff he gets everywhere he goes, it's only a matter of time before this picture is reality.

2. Lady Gaga

God knows why, she just looks like she'd suit being fat.

1. Megan Fox

If anything it would put most men off her, so then I could be with her, make her lose weight and then she'd be mine. This is the beginning of an evil plan.

15th May 2011

This is my second post for the day! Remind me not to get addicted. I think Sunday is my favorite day. All you do is sleep, watch TV, and then at the end you get Sunday roast. We had chicken today, I ate it in about 10 minutes. I gobbled that shit down like Paris Hilton, except I'm a guy and shes a slut...
I'm not highly religious, so I don't go to church, I don't think people see it as such a big deal in England than in America, I don't know why. I bought new body spray today and on the package it said that the fragrance was 'Fire'. It led me to believe that it smelt like a fire would smell, which didn't seem a too attractive prospect. I bought it anyway. I got home and used it and I can't really describe the smell, but its definitely not fire. This got me thinking on what fire actually smelt like, so I lit my lighter and proceeded to sniff at the flame. It doesn't smell of anything. Bullshit Lynx. I watched the film 2012 today and it took me by surprise at what they think will happen on the 21st of December 2012. I think that my favorite prediction is that all the animals that need saving will be transported across Russia in helicopters. For example:

If I ever saw this I don't think I'd mind dying. That's amazing! Even though I don't think the world will end. They say it is because the Mayan calender doesn't continue past that date. To me it is fairly obvious that the dude writing the calender out, died because he dedicated his whole life to writing it! If anything we should be celebrating that guys achievements in life by at least having 4 days off and eating a fuck load of fried chicken.

Also i bought a ukulele today, somewhere along the line this will help me get laid. Peace X

Anti Theft Lunch Bags

Your ham and cheese getting stolen? Always losing that prawn and mayo one? These little bags are the solution to your problem. 

Anti-Theft Lunch Bags are zipper bags that have green splotches printed on both sides, making your freshly prepared lunch look spoiled.


You can buy 25 of them for $8.00 here.

Inner Monologue of a Call Center Guy

I got a call today from someone telling me I'd won a trip to Spain for 3 weeks. I doubted it and hung up. Here is what I believe goes on his mind on a regular day. The picture below is what I imagine he looks like and not necessarily what he did look like.

Ahhhhh shit, another lame-ass day telling people a bunch of bullshit that I wish was true. It doesn't help that I have to drive 10 miles to get to this fucking job. Well, I best get on the road, I sure hope I've managed to pay my car insurance this month or this Nissan Micra's going to the scrapheap. I shouldn't have spent my weekly wage on this fake-ass suit. Can people tell I got this from Wal-mart? Oh god, I better make a joke about it to see if its socially acceptable when I get into work. Whoa, look at that Ferrari, I bet that guy has a business. He's definitely sad though, I bet he buys shit like that to make himself think hes happy, I have a much better life than that asshole. Who am I kidding, my life is shit and I'd fucking that love that car. Oh looks like I've arrived in hell again, best get in before the boss thinks I've been masturbating my life away in this car, which I have...

Ah shit here's the boss, please ignore me,  please ignore me,  please ignore me.  Ah fuck here goes his rant again. Why does he think he's better than everyone else, hes only earning a quarter more than I do. I best say something to put him in his place. 

"Okay boss, ill get straight to work"

What the fuck was that, are you fucking Harrison Ford? Stop being such a pussy. Well, I best do what I've said, I have a job to get on with. At least I can sit next to my workmate Tyler. 

"Sup Tyler, hey dude could you imagine if someone got their suit from Wal-mart, haha who would even do that"

Nice way to slip that in there. Good job he didn't reply, I might be more self conscious than I already am that way. Damn this headpiece makes me look like a grade A douche-bag. Shit this coffee is good i wonder if the person picking the coffee beans earns more than I do? Probably. Best get on and ring some people then and offer them false promises, like my mom used to do when I was a child. Please don't hang up for the love of Christ I need this bonus, my one bedroom flat needs redecorating and welfare wont cover it. Holy Shit they answered, crap I've never got this far before, how do I handle this?!

"Hello! I'm here to inform you that you've won a holiday to Spain! This is becau-"

What the fuck does you mean no thank you. How often do you fucking get a chance to go on holiday to Spain for free! Don't even hang up on me. Fuck.

Ugh, thank god it's the end of the day. Now I can go back home and watch sports on TV and drink myself into an absolute state over how rich they are and how I'm only getting minimum wage and have only had 1 girlfriend in my life. Maybe I could call myself and get a free holiday to Spain, pick up some sluts and contemplate life's toughest questions such as, who would win in a fight, an eagle or a snake. My guess would be an eagle cause they're fucking bad-ass. Well I best get to bed, I have the same thing tomorrow and for the rest of my life.

14th May 2011

Hi whoever is reading. I woke up today and had such a craving for skittles, i don't even know why. They have blue skittles now. Why has no-one told me this?! I think they're supposed to taste like bubblegum but instead they taste like nothingness. Imagine if beige and water had some sort of flavour baby, thats definitely what they tasted like. I also saw the advert for skittles today. It is the one where whatever the man touches turns to skittles. Its a good advert, but needless to say it leaves many unanswered questions, for example, why aren't his clothes turning to skittles, and for even deeper thought, why is HE not turning into skittles? I could imagine how hard his life must be, imagine trying to go to the toilet like that. I ate a lot of cheese today. I guess cause it was a saturday and i had to revise which was very boring to say the least, i just got hungry and i found cheese. I remember when i was a child and i was told that cheese made you have these crazy dreams, being the young druggie i was (i overdosed on tic tacs on several occasions) i ate loads, and i was lied to. i had no dreams at all. It was like i put myself through an ordeal for nothing. I felt betrayed. My arm still hurts from injections. I recorded the guitar part to a song i wrote today. I know i should be studying but it came to me and i had to get it down. I also found out that if i put my microphone to close to the computer i can make a noise which sounds like Chewbacca having sex with a dolphin (ill leave it up to you to imagine that one). But anyway, it came out good, i just need to change up a few lyrics and record that and i shall be on my way to a finished product! I'm going to go to sleep now, sundays always make me feel like i should do something worthwhile but it never happens, i just tend to sleep a lot. jamie X

13th May 2011

A new day brings new challenges, and todays was waking up. I'd gone to sleep at almost midnight and woke up at 6, god knows why. I wore odd socks today. Went to school as usual. It was the last day before we break up for exam leave so I was looking forward to it, especially after yesterday. I thought, yeah today is gonna' be awesome, but what do I find waiting for me? A meeting with the principal/headteacher, depending on where you're reading this from. It regards the one bottle of free water i stole yesterday. I mean why are they even continuing this, its just wasting their time! So i was temporarily suspended from school, even though, i had to stay in school under supervision to revise. Makes sense right? Anyway at least i missed chemistry, god i hate that subject, why would i ever need to know how bromine reacts with chlorine. Unless i'm eating that shit i don't want to know about it. Of course my parents needed to be told about the goings on at school so there was a lovely phonecall to my dad, which made him love me even more than he does already. yay. To top it off, I had to get injections and it was reassuring to know that i was 2 years overdue for my basic immunizations without being told about it! As a result, i'm now typing this with aching arms, and you can probably guess what i won't being doing tonight now. I thought today, if you were born blind and deaf, what would you think, i mean you wouldn't know what words look like, what places look like, and whether you were a boy or a girl, I cant imagine not knowing whether i was a boy or girl, id walk round topless no matter what though. That crossed my mind too, why don't women just walk round topless, it'd make life so much better for us guys...
peace X

12 May 2011

Well, this is the first entry into this 'blog' if you can call it that, I put down what I have thought about or done during the day. It started off as a regular day would, apart from I had a shower in the morning, normally I have one the night before, because then I get a well earned extra 10 minutes in bed. I wore a red and white shirt to sixth form, which I'm sure whoever you are reading this, didn't need to know. I got to school and realised that I hadn't done a biology paper which was due in in 30 minutes at the time. I got it done though, i feel that all the years of almost missing deadlines and working quick in the mornings paid off as i gained an A grade in the paper. My teacher was happy, for the first time in a while. She also lives down my street, and she told me off in the holidays once. I ignored her because teachers have no authority over you when you're on holiday. She got angry. I got told off today for the first time in a very long time. When you get into 6th form, it seems like you could run around naked and no-one would care, because you get that sense of freedom, apparently I took that freedom too far today. Wait for it, i took 1 bottle of water from a store room, thats right 1. I worked out how much it would have cost them to lose that bottle of water and it came to 5 pence. They give them out to you free when you're finished in the gym, so when I took it i thought that it would have little to no repercussions. BOY i was wrong. I had to come back at lunch time and have a 'talking to' which was nothing, but then other teachers got involved and 1 even suggested that this moment would be the start of my stealing career. Apparently taking a bottle of water out of a store cupboard, which the door was wide open to (you'd have thought that if it was out of bounds, it would have been locked anyway) deserves a letter home to your parents and a detention with a deputy head. Thats like saying 2+2 = vagina. Its completely wrong, it doesn't make sense and its quite ob-seen. I googled (how is that a verb, who made that a verb?!) something for my psychoanalytic paper today, and was about Freud, who was indeed a sick man, but i guess, in some ways his theories are okay. It gave me one of those things that says 'are you searching for .....' et cetera. I thought, no, definitely not, but it occurred to me that someone must have searched for that, for it to even register. It read 'did Freud have a phobia of vagina's', unsurprisingly i was quite shocked, by 1. the accusation and 2. the fact someone had searched that. They must have been bored out of their mind to even come up with a question like that. Also, in horror movies why do people go into the creepy houses and shout 'is anyone there'. Surely they fear for their lives already and attracting attention to themselves just makes their whole situation worse. These people must be stupid. I also found out today that it is possible to lick your elbow, thank god im dropping chemistry soon. Peace X